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Showing posts from 2010

The Whale's Stomach

Sin is the act of willfully disobeying God, when I first heard this it dawned on me how much I've been disobeying the Lord in areas of my life I've been having a hard time to give over to him. God wants everything from us, EVERYTHING, our family, our careers, our education, our ministry, our friends everything! He wants to be glorified with all of our relationships and everything we do.
My gracious Lord has been pointing my eyes to the truth I've been avoiding for so long. I've been going through a lot of things in my life that were confusing as I continue in this journey of exploring this amazing world of grace.
You know, through this time of confusion, the Lord clarified a lot of major things in my life, especially my calling in the ministry. I've always known that the Lord has called me to full time ministry BUT have been terrified of accepting this call and starting the walk of faith FULLY. I've done it partially and have seen how hard it is, because w…

Newness of seasons

Seasons change, and our lives follow along. It amazes me how my life is affected by the season (actual season) we're in. Right now it's Fall and the leaves are turning yellowish, reddish and they look gorgeous, BUT it's starting to freeze at night and early in the morning. I feel the change in my spirit as well, my heart is full of peace and joy which is purely from the Lord as I know His will is the only thing that fulfills me even though there is this unanswered prayer hanging over my head.

I so want God to answer me, I so want him to say YES my child NOW, you have it! But He won't, He says not now, and that sometimes hurts BUT I will continue to ask, to knock the door and to say please Lord upon your timing let this not pass from me.

It's like the parable of the persistent widow in Luke 18:1Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up. 2He said: "In a certain town there was a judge who neither feared G…

School of Character....

I think I've been praying the hardest and toughest prayer of all times. Teach me your ways, let me be an imitator of Christ and not men. And God placed me in the school of character where things don't go the way you think or want but according to God's design and timing. Where all your masked self comes out from the length of the journey and from the frustration of not knowing how long you can keep it on. So, you take it off, you start living like BEFORE you knew Christ and started imitating believers (not Him).

In the school of Character who you are truly shows, whether you are seeking truly after His heart or man's heart. It's like when Moses lead the Israelites out of Egypt and the minute they got tired, hungry and thirsty and couldn't see any means of getting food they started to say TAKE US BACK TO EGYPT!! I mean what could they do? they could only hold on for so long, they were going to lose their families, their lives, their money, everything they…

My life as a Burnt offering…

I’m reading “Passion and Purity” by Elizabeth Elliot and ran into a chapter that talks about bringing every emotion before the Lord so that He may shine through, our Pain, joy, longing, anxiety and such…

His word says in 2 Cor 10:5 “….we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” What sweetness there is to this verse…can you imagine? Every thought, being brought forth to the Lord, so that it may obey Him? So in a simple example it would be, my desire to be united with my loved ones RIGHT NOW will be brought to Jesus and obey His will for me to serve him as a single woman alone for the season He’s placed me in. My longing will obey the will of God for me to preserver and produce Character and fruit. Isn’t this beautiful?

My heart jumps at the thought of God being ever present in those moments that seem so low and so lonely. To know that’s EXACTLY where he wants me so that he may speak to me…love me and let me know HIM the lover of my soul. Hosea 2:14 is so real in my…

When all You NEED is Him!!

Have you ever came to a point in your life where no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to see the positive... I mean you're not a negative person, you love and trust God and deep down in your heart know that the Lord is your strength. BUT, there have been so many hard situations that have bombarded your life and you're swamped, you just can't get out of it. No matter how many scriptures you quote and squeeze your eyes shut and PRAY...it seems like God has chosen silence.

It's hard, it's very hard to not have answers for your painful circumstances and it makes you wonder, why God? What's the possible good out come from this painful situation, it HURTS God, my heart aches in pain and I soooooooo need your peace. Then, you're forced to fall on your face, and ask God for peace and joy and meaning in life... You turn to him instead of your loved ones because none of their solutions will ever make it ok or better or is a lasting solution.

My Pasto…

I entrust my life to my Lord!

I woke up this morning with an urge of missing a dear someone in my life who lives in a far while I'm here in the U.S. I didn't know what to pray or how to pray or for what to pray...all I said was GOD PLEASE DO YOUR WILL whatever that may be. well, I got up and got ready for work then opened my e-mail before I head out to work to find a precious e-mail from my bff Lilly.

It read,

"Consider the lilies, how they grow."(Matt. 6:28.)

"I NEED oil," said an ancient monk; so he planted an olive sapling. "Lord," he prayed, "it needs rain that its tender roots may drink and swell. Send gentle showers." And the lord sent gentle showers. "Lord," prayed the monk, "my tree needs sun. Send sun, I pray Thee. "And the sun shone, gilding the dripping clouds. "Now frost, my Lord, to brace its tissues," cried the monk. And behold, the little tree stood sparkling with frost, but at evening it died.

Then the monk sought the cel…

40 years for a 40 days long trip.

Wow, it just made sense last night. I was sitting in the metro, coming back from Eastern Market and It hit me in the long train ride - it took me 2 years to get to where God wanted me instead of one.

You see God had offered me an opportunity to take 2 years ago to serve him fully but I wasn't ready to give up my "career". I was a new college graduate who wanted to explore Washington, DC and see what's out there for me. God had opened up a door for me to serve him at a church in full time ministry which by the way has been my passion since I could remember, but I said no thank you. I wanted to see what's out there, so he let me but lead me back to the church again.

But this time not in full time ministry as I had always felt called to do. It was as a support to the full time ministry. Hmmm....very humbling. I supported knowing that I was placed here for character building. Was it productive? YES! I finally got it, it's like David serving Saul even thou…

Love is not self seeking

Had a long day yesterday, went to a bible study directly after work and when I got home it was 10:00pm. I hardly had time to do anything b/c the next morning I’ve to be up and do my devotions/which is something I promised God I’d be consistent about/ so I had no time for anybody. Didn’t even call my friend who ‘s been trying to get in touch with me for the past 3 days because I needed to sleep and be up and ready for God in the morning. I get in bed around 10:45 ish and force myself to sleep, I fall asleep.

I wake up hearing my roommate laughing loudly and talking very comfortably which I presume is on her cell phone. Then I check my phone for time it is 1:45am….what 1:45am doesn’t she know that I have a meeting with God in the morning, and that this is not just her house. Arrgh…. I’m now wide awake mad at my roommate, talking myself out of not getting up and telling her to keep it down b/c we’re sleeping. Then I sense the Holy Spirit saying to me, isn’t the reason you want to be…

Who are you?

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I had a fun evening with one of my close girl friends last night and we got talking about our experiences with dating and what we've learned through all those unique people that came into our lives. It got me thinking about the reason that I had decided not to continue with almost all of these men was because I realized that they had an idea of the woman they wanted to be with and whether it is knowingly or unknowingly they tried to make me change to fit their mold. Now, I'm not opposed to changing of Character, growing to know myself more and realizing my areas of growth as a person so that I may serve the Lord better. BUT, Most of these people just wanted something different that I couldn't offer and instead of fighting to hold on to them and change myself I chose to let them go, and I PRAISE the Lord for allowing me to recognize that whom he is making me to be is more valuable than a life-long partner I so longed to have.

What I wanted to share today is not about how…

Not my will but your will be Done!

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What a hard prayer to pray? It wasn't till God started opening up my eyes to the true purpose of my calling into his kingdom that I started learning to pray this prayer. I mean as a young believer for me it was about "being more spiritual", memorizing more verses, sharing the Gospel with others, alway being on a spiritual high...which was amazingly great but kindda wasn't what truly goes on in this journey with the Lord. I discovered that even though this is all wonderful and great but the CHARACTERS of Christ being manifested in my being was the most important thing I could ever capture. These characters also don't just appear in me because I "believe" but because I constantly choose to walk in complete obedience.

There are times that I pray sooooo hard that I feel like God is going to just show up and magically fulfill all my dreams, but in reality that is not the case and "The purpose of prayer is that we get a hold of God, not of the answe…