I think I've been praying the hardest and toughest prayer of all times. Teach me your ways, let me be an imitator of Christ and not men. And God placed me in the school of character where things don't go the way you think or want but according to God's design and timing. Where all your masked self comes out from the length of the journey and from the frustration of not knowing how long you can keep it on. So, you take it off, you start living like BEFORE you knew Christ and started imitating believers (not Him).
In the school of Character who you are truly shows, whether you are seeking truly after His heart or man's heart. It's like when Moses lead the Israelites out of Egypt and the minute they got tired, hungry and thirsty and couldn't see any means of getting food they started to say TAKE US BACK TO EGYPT!! I mean what could they do? they could only hold on for so long, they were going to lose their families, their lives, their money, everything they hoped to gain by leaving Egypt would be lost in the desert! There was no way humanly possible they could know about something called 'Manna', how are they to know right? But they knew God, and He revealed to them what they needed to know to have Faith and wait,Himself. Even if it meant dying in the desert.
I at times get tempted to start wishing for Egypt...asking the Lord, why does the desert have to be so long? I'm tired, weary, bored, Arrrrgh, angry at the people in the journey with me, am I the only sane one? I can't do this anymore, then it changes to I can't do this alone Lord, I need you, cover me with your grace, surround me with your love, speak to me gently, and I will follow, I have no other hope but you, and I will stick with you till the end, you are my savior and nothing else matters.
You know, I thought I can out do God, pretend through the school of character and show up always energetic and encouraged but I've learned that it's part of the course to be discouraged, frustrated, agitated and letting God know of those feelings...then it's also part of the course to find encouragement and satisfaction only from HIM my daily Manna provider. Whether that Manna is patience, genteelness or kindness.
God is a good God and I am so thankful that my journey is not in vain. I'll persevere through it, because I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
Thank you father,