Praying for My Bridge Building Heart

Praying for My Bridge Building Heart

Carrying the righteous anger of God and speaking hard truth with love in this fallen flesh of mine is a difficult balance to keep. When I feel the indignation of the Lord, my flesh wants to break out in total rebellion of those who provoked injustice and I want to take vengeance into my own hands, which in my case is mainly telling people off BUT, the sweet spirit of Jesus faithfully reminds me  “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Romans 12:19 Then it becomes my choice to trust that my creator, the Just God who shared this very attribute with me is more angry than I am, it’s more of his offense than mine and He will deal with it better than I could ever attempt.  It is then, that my heart experiences growth in trusting God’s goodness and the infallible truth of His word that it will not return void. So I choose to speak, and wait patiently for God to show himself faithful.

This is a daily struggle for me, especially in these recent days where every time I turn on the news I hear something that elevates my blood pressure. It’s no longer a priority to remain calm and collected because of a desire to save face in my church or community. I don’t care about saving face anymore, I don’t care if my brothers and sisters see me fit for their social circle anymore, PEOPLE are DYING, I don’t care about my ability to not ruffle feathers, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE… And then... Right when I’m tempted to give up, to shut down, to build a wall and not let people into my life anymore THEN, the Lord reminds me of one of  my favorite scriptures to sober me up “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23  Really Lord? Why can’t there be a law against such things, but my heart is aching, I’m tired of being the bigger person, I’m tired of educating, I’m tired of being silenced by their silence, I’m exhausted of waiting for something to change...and THERE  IS NO LAW against loving, and being joyful, and seeking peace and patience, being kind and good, being faithful and gentle and having self control...NO LAW...but I’m tired Lord!

How ironic that I’m not only called to bridge building because I need to help my white friends understand systemic racism and equip them to use their privilege to help the marginalized, no that’s not only why, it’s also so that I can be sanctified through the process. This weary heart of mine tends to lean towards ANGER, not righteous anger just PURE ANGER and SLANDER and wanting an EYE for an EYE!  How humbling is it to find out that even though God reveals to me his righteous anger, it doesn’t exclude me from abiding in love and submitting to everything he calls me to, including all fruits of the spirit that there is no law against.  Why? Well, because God calls me to represent his anger not mine and God is Love and Love is patient, and kind; it doesn’t envy or boast; it’s not arrogant or rude.  It doesn’t insist on its own way; it’s not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love BEARS ALL things, BELIEVES all things, HOPES all things, ENDURE all things. Is there a greater calling to dying to self that this? To love someone inspite of their direct hurtfulness to you? Kinda like what Jesus did for me, when I was dead in my own sin and helpless without any hope, He gave HIS LIFE to save MINE, yea the sinful one.

I thank the Lord that He has called me into an eternal relationship with Him, that it cannot be tainted by the messiness of this world. This temporary place we call earth, and it’s injustices cannot compare to the eternal, just and perfect home He has prepared for me. And as I seek to obey and follow after his heart on this side of heaven, He promises to act on my behalf, to put my enemies to shame and to protect me from harm because he delights in me.  

   The Lord dealt with me according to my righteousness;

   according to the cleanness of my hands he rewarded me.

   For I have kept the ways of the Lord,

   and have not wickedly departed from my God.

   For all his rules were before me,

   and his statutes I did not put away from me.

  I was blameless before him,

   and I kept myself from my guilt.

  So the Lord has rewarded me according to my righteousness,

   according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.

  With the merciful you show yourself merciful;

   with the blameless man you show yourself blameless;

  with the purified you show yourself pure;

   and with the crooked you make yourself seem tortuous.

  For you save a humble people,

  but the haughty eyes you bring down.

 For it is you who light my lamp;

 the Lord my God lightens my darkness.

 For by you I can run against a troop,

 and by my God I can leap over a wall.

 This God—his way is perfect;

  the word of the Lord proves true;

  he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.

 Psalm 19:20-30

Therefore, I trust Him, I choose Him, I speak for Him, I live for him and I submit to Him. He is faithful, worthy and glorious. The mystery of His mercy and justice are displayed in this heart of mine for the world to see, may I honor Him by walking with fear and trembling only to the one who is worthy. May His will be done on earth as it is in heaven, and my I daily have the privilege of being a part of that work on earth.  Lord, keep me from walking in my flesh, show me the balance of justice and mercy, so that; many will come to know you and the Gospel is spread across the nation.  Amen